If there's one thing UnderCurrent loves it's buzzwords, management speak and PR guff – even thought that's three things – and that's why we were thrilled yesterday to receive a media release from Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment announcing the appointment of Crossmark as its merchandise manager/agent.

Unfortunately, not everyone shares UnderCurrent's love of 'boiling the ocean', 'sleek and stylish designs' and, our personal favourite, 'activations'; as evidenced by the reader comment by Bret Easton Ellis fictional character Patrick Bateman:

"How you could let one of your trade partners make specific reference to using a competitor product in the provision of their service to you is beyond me," said Bateman, in a break from watching a Patty Winters Show special on Whitney Houston. "Then compound the embarrassment by releasing a statement that plausibly could be produced by a buzzword generator. A marriage made in heaven."

So for those readers who share Bateman's unlove of buzzwords, UnderCurrent asked for and received an explanation.

"Strategic growth solutions: working with clients through retail execution to achieve a measurable impact on sales. For example, product displays, point of sale visibility, training retail staff, and growing the core range of products.

"Speed to market: this is the execution of a retail campaign, be it point-of-sale placement or physical product ranging on shelf, on the same day it is released to market. For example, the Universal Sony title The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn is released and that will be merchandised and displayed in only a matter of hours after it arrives at the dock.

"Activations:  another term for a retail program; activating a strategy."

Having devoured these definitions, UnderCurrent is left wondering two things;

-How pleased Patrick Bateman must be to learn that Breaking Dawn is now out on Blu-ray and DVD; and
-Why media types prefer to use words and phrases with no meaning instead of explaining themselves clearly in the first place so people actually know what they're doing.