Just as the 2012 London Olympics is a global gathering to celebrate corporate branding elite sportspeople, so too is UnderCurrent a worldly being. Over the course of the Games, it's been contacting its friends, relatives and associates across the continents, and it's now ready to announce the three podium finishes in the battle of brand ambassadors.

Gold Medal

Without doubt, the star of these Games has been the amazing Usain Bolt, who this morning blitzed the field to win the Men's 100 metres sprint. UnderCurrent's Jamaican nephew, UndeRastaCurrent, reports that this is great news for his plethora of sponsors – one of which is Soul headphones, a company made famous by its association with ludicrous rapper Ludacris. UndeRastaCurrent was particularly keen to turn our attention to this outstanding chestnut:

Silver Medal

Although he only won Silver, UnderCurrent's Swiss step-brother, Das UnderCürrent, assures us that Roger Federer will be more than content with his 17 Grand Slam titles, $70 million in prizemoney and those cows he keeps getting from the Confederation Helvetica. But if he is feeling a bit down, he can always perk himself up with an espresso from a Jura coffee machine.

Bronze Medal

As Buzz Aldrin once said, 'second comes right after first', so UnderCurrent is awarding its third prize to someone who was definitely second best as these Games. Those outside Sydney may not have seen this, but Samsung recently covered the iconic Queen Victoria Building with an enormous billboard of spokeswimmer James Magnussen posing as Jesus to promote a smartphone. UnderCurrent would like us all to take a moment to remember that this is a thing: