Don’t queue for an iPhone in the cold, get one couriered in 24-carat gold

Why wait in the freezing cold all night, unable to sleep, fielding abuse from drunken passers-by — being broached from your inchoate slumber every 15 minutes by a hurled McDonalds thickshake — just so when the clock strikes 8am you can be bumrushed by another hopelessly desperate fanboy and only become the second person in the country to own a boring old plain iPhone 6?

Why put yourself through that, UnderCurrent muses, when instead, you could have a Goldgenie 24-Carat Rose Gold Plated, Swarovski Diamond Encrusted iPhone 6 couriered to your door in a Cherry Oak Box for only $5,401?

Yes, don’t schlep it with your space greys, silvers and (pretend) golds, indulge in some true luxury, the same service enjoyed by (apparently, UnderCurrent stresses) Will Smith, David Beckham and — you’ll like this — Russian oligarch and English Premier League ruiner Roman Abramovich.

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But don’t delay, Goldgenie warns, and UnderCurrent is being serious here, this is an actual quote: “demand for luxury customised 24-carat gold versions can outstrip supply”. Can’t afford to splash over $5,400 on a piece of unnecessary and garish tack? Never fear: Goldgenie has payment plans!

“Goldgenie is excited to announce the arrival of their 24-carat Gold iPhone 6 Elite Collection in Australia,” the company said. “This is the first major Apple launch since Goldgenie established its  franchise in the country and demand for their luxury customised versions of the world’s most highly anticipated smartphone is expected to be very high.”

Of course, gold-plated iPhone 6es are not for everyone — some people don’t like Apple smartphones and others just don’t like carrying around the sun in their pockets — so why not get a gold-plated HTC One (M8) or a pair of Swarovski Crystal Beats headphones or, and UnderCurrent would once again like to stress that these are real products, a lizard-skin iPad? Or buy them all and then, in a true demonstration of crude wealth, blow them all up with a few rounds from your James Bond Limited Edition 24-Carat Gold Gun.

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